Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
