then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
