NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
