I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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