you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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