I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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