I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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