after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
