3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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