I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
