My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
