so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
