we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
