yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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