just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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