i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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