i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i think i just lost a toe
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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