I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
how do you play pong handcuffed?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize