the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
