Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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