ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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