anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
