The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
