no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
