I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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