just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
