some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
