Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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