Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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