I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I deserve this hangover.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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