Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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