sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your parents love me but you hate me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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