So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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