i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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