I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
