Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
