dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
