'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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