I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize