i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
