once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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