On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
