tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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