just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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