When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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