Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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