is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
