if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize