You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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