My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
