I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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