and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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