Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
