She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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