I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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