I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
