i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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