Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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