the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
