Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
