You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I supernannyed him into submission
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
