Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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